Unhappy Deer: Better Call Someone Edition

Doing what feels right...

From Cyanide and Happiness...

New Logo for Khabarovsk Airport

Today on the internet I came across something magnificent. Namely, the new logo for the airport serving the Russian city of Khabarovsk.

The text says "OAO Khabarovsk Airport".

As you can see, the logo is a true work of art. Naturally, the internet enjoyed the logo so much that several creating minds paid artistic tribute.

Yes, that is Putin straddling the bear, as he is known to do.

And here are some more...

Bear Poetry

Death Bear

Back in 2009, New York City performance artist Nate Hill went from home to home in Brooklyn wearing a black jumpsuit and boots, with a black bag, and wearing a large scary black bear mask, collecting things from people that had experienced some sort of heartbreak, pain, or rejection in their life. He would ring their doorbell, come in, and take a seat, listening to a short summary of the pain his summoners had experienced. Afterwards, he would collect items associated with the summoners' grief in a bag and take his leave.


Death Bear Gets Sad So You Don't Have To from Mary Plummer on Vimeo.

According to Nate, it was not an easy job absorbing someone else's negative energy and taking these significant objects from people. Among the things he collected were failed novels, old love letters, postcards, gifts, and other things. Even for such an imposing creepy creature as Death Bear, it was at times overwhelmingly sad.

However, perhaps the craziest part of this experiment came when Death Bear was making a stop at a place he did not recognize and unknowingly walked in on a goth/witch ritual that one of his ex-girlfriends had set up with her friends who were all part of their own performance art group. After some truly hard-to-believe antics and in a true Brooklyn fashion, the girl handed him her own box of stuff and told Death Bear to get the fuck out. Some of the contents of that box are pretty great, such as Nate Hill's old tied off condom with crystallized sperm. You can read the read about the encounter in detail here.

You can also read about Nate Hill and his other projects here.

And finally, of course, here is the awesome story in Vice about the person behind the costume.

I have my own old box of shit that once meant the world that I would love to give to Death Bear, but maybe the poor creature has suffered enough on others' accounts. Maybe I'll just finally burn it.

Urgent News: Up to 50% of Koala Bears Have Chlamydia

That's right. The little adorable creatures are slutting it up and getting and spreading chlamydia at rates likely exceeding those of the most lascivious senior homes. Almost 50% of koalas in the wild have the disease.

This article in Businessweek (because let's face it, nymphomaniacal koalas with chlamydia are serious business), details the hows and whys of the disease ravaging the wild koala population.

Here's a neat little comic by Victims of Circumsolar that initially pointed my attention to this sad news.

Encounters of the Ursidae Kind. Episode #1. The Climbing Bears and Barking Humans Edition

This week we have a spicy story from a friend of the blog, Martina, who relays her story of a bear encounter in the Smokies.

Everything Bear: Hi Martina. Thank you for taking the time to chat with Everything Bear today. Can you tell us about your experience of encountering a bear?
Martina: Sure. It was the first day of my very first backpacking adventure in ht Smokey mountains. We were walking for good 6 miles before we came up to our camp spot for the night. Thirty minutes after meeting everyone that was staying there with us we started looking for the perfect spot to put our tent on. We were on a hill with lots of big rocks.

Around what time was it?
It was around 7 pm sunset.
As we proceeded to set up our tent, my boyfriend looked back and told me to run slowly because there was a big mama bear right behind me, about 15 feet away looking straight at us.

Did he tell you to run slowly so that if the bear followed he would eat you instead of him? Tina Yes haha

Makes sense. Ok please continue.
No, [it was] so that we don't make it seem too suspicious or make the bear feel like she is in danger. Anywho, little did we know there were 2 other little cubs right on the tree that she was standing by and looking up. The situation got a bit frightening but yet fun at the same time

So you managed to get to a safe distance from the bear?
We realized that she was just guarding and making sure no one would go near her babies yes, we ran about 30 feet away and watched them with everyone at the camp
For some reason the people there thought barking noises would make the bears run away but they were wrong and sounded like idiots barking up a storm and disturbing my peace in the wilderness.

That does sound very unpleasant. 
How big was the mama bear? Did she make any noises, like snorting?
The mama bear was fairly large, I'd say about my size. Around 5 feet and surprisingly slim.
That doesn't sound very large.
For me it was, but she was making some strange noises, like she was angry that we were there.

I guess you mean in height, not in length... Like if it stood on its hind legs or something it would probably be bigger. 
Yes, of course.

That sounds scary... Did you consider walking over and giving her a hug to make her more comfortable?
No, but did want to take one of the chubby bears home with me. Her little babies were climbing every tree that was around us for about 2 hours straight.

That sounds adorable. She had two... I don't see why she would have had a problem with you taking one. So you guys just waited for them to leave, and for the barking to subside.  
We didn't set up our tent until after 9.

Do you have any pictures of this lovely bear family?
Yes, we watched and waited. we knew at that point they harmless and just playing around while mama bear was guarding. I do not, I believe my bf has a video and some photos too.

What would you say to all the folks out there who may encounter bears in the wild? Any advice? 
I would say, bears aren't as scary as everyone seems to make them sound. If you stay away they will leave. Also, barking like a dog will not make them go away, so please do us a favor and quit disturbing the peace in the wilderness.

I will be sure to spread that message. Thank you for your great story, Martina!

Note: The bear pictured is not a bear mentioned in this story. Though it is a safe bet to say that it is a very distant relative of that very same bear. Photo also by Martina form a different bear encounter.